I drove this morning in the pouring rain to yet another doctor’s appointment with yet another doctor for the same ailment I have had for the past four years. And I am to be thankful in all this? Honestly, I was having a hard time just being nice, much less thankful. It was raining so hard I could hardly see. Traffic unnerves me, and the rain just compounded my stress. Not to mention the “yet another doctor” scenario. I literally felt like screaming. Then I got to do it all over again on my way back to the office. At least it was not raining so hard then.
When I got back to the sanctuary of the peace and quiet of my office, I had time to reflect on my morning. Yes, the doctor wanted to schedule more tests and another biopsy. Thankful? Not yet!! Whilst speaking with my sweet husband, he asked the question, “When will this be enough? When does the insanity stop?” Which I thought were two very good questions. I have been going from doctor to doctor, test to test, and still don’t know what is going on. So, when does this insanity stop? When is enough, enough? Do you sense our frustration here?
Here’s what I’ve decided… If I am going to change my life, I need to change the way I see things first. Second Corinthians 10:7 says, “You are looking only on the surface of things.” That’s where I have been looking, only on the surface, at “see” level. I need to look at things differently, through an eternal lens. Instead of running around looking for answers from the “experts,” what I really need to do is go to the Great Physician and seek His counsel and what He wants me to do in this situation that He has given me. Seek His counsel and His wisdom for my thorn in my flesh… for my weakness (literally).
I need to find the Joy in my situation. Joy is a function of gratitude and gratitude is always a function of perspective (Ann Voskamp). Finding joy in every situation means seeking Him in every situation. Ok, that really is easier said than done. I’m just sayin.
Finding joy means… not leaning on my own understanding, but seeking Him and relying on His understanding in a circumstance that I do not understand, but by faith I will trust His direction for me and be thankful. Whew. Now I said that, but living that is a whole different story… to be able to trust Him through the strain and pain to the joy. I really do want that. I want to get to the place in my life where rain, traffic, stress, and disappointments no longer get in the way of my joy. When I can enjoy fellowship with my Lord without all the baggage I drag along with me. When my gratitude trumps my circumstances and I can see the joy in every situation. Oh my, what a day that will be!
In the meantime I must dwell in this sinful shell of a body and fight the good fight and not lose faith. I really want to be able to say what Paul said in Second Corinthians 4:16, “Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.” I don’t know about you, but I want to be renewed day by day with Christ in me. So let’s lift our eyes above “see” level and put them on the One who can make all our problems seem like momentary troubles. Because you know what? It’s not going to matter when we all get to heaven anyway. And it won’t be raining there either.