Today my soul longs for wholeness, for that moment we will know the meaning of it all. For now, we get only a glimpse of the picture. We see only a fractured image of what God intended this world to be. We have this picture in our head of how our lives should be and … CRACK!... bankruptcy… CRACK!... divorce… CRACK! … cancer. This is a broken life we live.
All too often I find myself living in that fractured reflection. I forget that one day we will see and we will know all the answers to these questions that overwhelm us now. (1 John 3:2) I’ve been living in a world that is full of trouble instead of living in the fact that we can “take heart” because God has overcome the world. (John 16:33)
My younger faith was hopeful. I hadn’t experienced the heartaches that await us as we live day-after-day in a world that continually rejects the very One that gives it life. I’ve been looking at myself and this world through the cracked glass and hanging onto the brokenness and despair instead of seeing what God wants me to see…that He completes and heals the brokenness. He heals the hurts, He heals the pain… HE HEALS IT ALL. I can’t whisper “thank you” with my lips and then live “what if” with my life. I have to start seeing through God’s image and not the broken one I see every day in the mirror.
I have not been living life abundant, but instead I have been holding on by my fingertips to just keep breathing. I have forgotten that my heart “will be restless until it rests in Him.” (St. Augustine) In Lamentations we are reminded that even though we sit in the silence and in the grief, we can be hopeful because there are promises to be fulfilled…promises of love and compassion and faithfulness.
In one moment I am awed by the “blessings” of the Lord. The next moment I want to throw all the spiritual lingo out the window because of my heartache. I know the truth in my head, but my heart hurts! I’m afraid of hoping too deeply, of loving with abandon, of ending up broken.
Despite my fears, God is still God. When I allow Him to clean the mirror for a moment, I’m reminded that this is just a fractured reflection of the whole picture. I don’t have to focus on the cracks of this world, but on the God who holds it all together. He holds the answers. He holds the heartaches. He holds our fears. And He holds every one of our tears.
We can let our brokenness lead to bitterness, or we can let it lead to a heart forced open that allows the space necessary to hold all the love and joy and hope that God wants us to experience.
My mind wants to analyze. My mind wants to run through the list of a million questions I have for the future. My mind wants to doubt. My God wants me to rest. My God wants me to accept and rest. So, here we go again, searching for the truth of our faith. Right now we see only part of the picture, but our faith, that has proven itself true time-and-time again, tells us that we can find hope in the One who sees it all. His reflection is never broken, and in Him, neither are we.